My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
