Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
