we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
