If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
