i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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