i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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