my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
