I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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