You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
