She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
