you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
