Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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