He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
