I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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