my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
