these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
