Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
