Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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