remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
