Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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