lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Sponge bath it is.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
