His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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