Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
