Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
