making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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