Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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