i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just cropdusted the office
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How external is "for external use only"?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
