I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
