Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
