Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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