Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
