Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
