We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You ruined the universe
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
