If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
