If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
