your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
