I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
