Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's shark week go big or go home
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
