I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
