My cat gives me a boner
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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