Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
