I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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