The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
