My pussy is not your playground.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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