you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
