All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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