My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
