she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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