I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
