Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
