Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
