I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
