it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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