our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
