I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
