Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
